We Will Not Compromise Our Peppermint Gum

Kobi and Sarah discuss their lack of ambition to experiment with alternative flavours of chewing gum, along with the dark side of compromise (and in doing so conjure a bunch of Peppermint Gum similes). Artwork by Sarah.

howabout

Here at the Rad Men office we chew Peppermint gum, almost exclusively.

Strawberry is ok for a rainy day when you feel like a chewable/ non-edible dessert; but for all other occasions it is peppermint and peppermint only. We chew so much of it, the innards of our bags and wallets hold  a faint odour of it. There is no other flavour that can be an adequate substitute for minty freshness. If we can’t be picky about what we put in our mouth; what the fuck can we be picky about?

Offering us a piece of spearmint flavoured chewing gum is like offering up some freshly laid dog turd for us to chew on.

Offering us a piece of strawberry gum is kind of like dragging your local Asian to bring pre-printed membership forms to the weekly KKK meeting.

Offering us a piece of any other flavour is like telling Tony Abbott that he cannot be prime minister, so he should just try instead to live out the flamboyant existence of an gay feminist boat man.

But Kobi and Sarah, we hear you cry. You little girls need to grow up; compromise is part of being an adult. Sure thing m8. We shall compromise with instead presenting you with our good friend, the middle finger. Compromise is a necessity of life, we understand that. You cannot always have your wishes magically granted. It just doesn’t work like that. In fact, we welcome it. Life is a bitch, but we accept because we like a good challenge. Yet that does not mean that we always be submissive little creatures.

Compromise can come in the way of what you really want and need from this life. It can kill your ambition for anything that you really aspire to do. It almost becomes dangerous when you justify significant actions with compromise, especially when you find yourself in positions that you didn’t want to be in. There are just certain things in this life that you should not have to replace with lesser things.

Today you’ll tell us that we can’t have our peppermint gum. Tomorrow you’ll announce that we also cannot have a left arm (this will literally kill Kobi and Ned Flanders and all of the rest of the left crew).

Compromise this motherfucker. We will not let anything get in the way of what little ambition we have. We will not stand for your shit substitutes. We will not compromise our peppermint gum.

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