Adulthood Begins When You Circumcise a Dolphin

Kobi has a solid whine about still being 17 and unable to vote.

you are not an adult until you have circumcised a dolphin.

I have always been the youngest in my year. This is what happens when you are a December baby who is too much of a prodigy to keep back. It has never really bothered me until all my friends started hitting the big 1 8 and I was left sipping slurpee in the middle of King George Square.

Don’t get me wrong, being 17 isn’t such a dragggg. I enjoy being a statistic of underage drinking and I feel so off the rails when I tick the “yes I 18 and above” consent boxes on the internet. I think what concerns me most is my inability to vote. As I write this I am scrolling through my Faceobok Newsfeed.

that baller feeling of never being asked for i.d when buying smokesssss!

never had sex. like if you think im lying’. bitch, your a slut. theres not enough facebook users to be able to like that shitttt!

It disturbs me that these people have the legal ability to vote if an election was called tomorrow. Please note that I said legal ability. Just because the law is willing to have this human being shit onto our ballot paper in the name of democracy, doesn’t mean they should. I genuinely think people should be screened for a right to vote. Ugh democracy, since when was the power of the general population who pride themselves on their Unit cap and consumption of XXXX a good thing? My friend who has a soaring eagle tattooed above his ass (some call it a tramp stamp, others fondly name it bridget) will be able to vote before me. Just set me on fire, bitte.

I think the point that I am trying to make here is we seem to celebrate 18 as though we have earned our legal rights with our sheer age. But older, does not necessarily mean wiser. In so many cultures a rite of passage symbolizes the passing over of child to adult. Instead of handing us a ballot paper the government should hand us a spear and send us off to circumcise a dolphin. Because Australia needs more dolphin circumcision and less Primeministers.

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