The Legend of the Ranga Mullet

Scan 57

Sarah marvels over the wonder that is USchmu’s* ranga with a mullet.

If ever you are in want of an effective icebreaker when conversing with a student of the University of Schmeensland*, just remember the golden question: “have you seen the ranga with a mullet?” Chances are, this line will instantly spark a connection between the two of you and you will have successfully made a new lifelong friend.

The ranga with a mullet is something of a local legend, a living male Regina George, a walking Jesus among mere mortals. Upon first sight, it is usually difficult to fully comprehend the majesty of what you have just witnessed. A ginger man who fearlessly grows his hair out can only offer suggestions of pure sasha fierce. Literally no fucks were given the day this guy revoked all standard haircuts. He is a living marvel; the spirit it must take to rebel against society’s hate of gingers and mullets can only be the kind that dreams wish they were made of.

However the true magic of the Ginger Lord, is his ability to appear everywhere around campus. The initial bonding question will typically revoke a response of OMG YES I SAW THE MAJESTIC MULLET MAN YESTERDAY, irrespective of what a person studies, or how much time they spend canoodling about uni. He is just that damn powerful.

The mullet’s high rep is only further evident when examining the Facebook page devoted to him, that is entitled “The Glorious Ranga Mullet that struts his stuff around UQ St. Lucia” and has obtained a cult following of over 7000 likes. There are various candid shots that people have submitted to the page, photos sneakily captured of him resuming normal uni student behavior such as sleeping at a train station or chilling at the campus’ pizza café. People dig him. There are numerous comments and posts revering his luscious locks of red. This baby has gone viral; he’s been featured multiple times on Channel 9’s The Footy Show on Australian television and his photo has been displayed on various websites. Only time will tell when the Red Baron will become a household name.

To answer your question, “Just who is this guy with a ginger mullet?”, no one really knows. Legend says his name is Schmatrick**. And as any self respecting USchmu student knows, one does not simply approach the ranga mullet and seek out his life story. You admire him from a distance, like any other wild wondrous creature you see in their native habitat. He is probably a decent fellow, just wanting to live his life. Plus, there’s something here that seems unbreachable. The Red Baron’s mystery is what lends him so much appeal, along with his typical student agenda. He is ordinary, yet so beyond extraordinary. He embodies what all of us wish to be in life and to see him in motion, is like witnessing your own birth.

May the Magic of the Mullet live on forever.

*names changed for anonymity purposes. Plz donut sue/hurt us, we likez and respectz u

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